Reasons to Love the Suburbs

1. Tennis courts
2. Swimming pools
3. Two-car garages
4. Outrageous lawn decor (see below)

I am certain that this thing (baby, Budha, Chucky?) comes to life at night and terrorizes neighborhood children.

"Do you want to play with me?" it asks right before it lunges at them with a tiny little knife. Fortunately, his potbelly is so large that he moves slowly and the children escape with only emotional scars.









This one has a little something for everyone. Don’t like the impish children holding hands in a circle? How does a boy riding the back of water fowl strike your fancy? Looking for something a little darker? You’re sure to enjoy the menacing head of a devil-being emerging from the middle of this piece of concrete art.

Note: this shares the same yard a Chucky, which makes it 100% more awesome.







Last, but certainly not least, we come to the sphinx that just moved into our neighborhood, likely because it lost its job guarding The Southern Oracle from the likes of Atreyu and other characters from The Neverending Story. Now anyone who dares enter 923 Vista View Dr.* without "feeling his own worth" will find himself zapped to kingdom come.

(*Address changed to protect the identity of owners who purchase statuary with giant racks)