Nine Month Update

Dear Lana,

Today you are nine months old. I have to admit, the last nine months together have been immeasurably better than the first nine months we spent together. Then again, it hardly seems fair to compare the beautiful, cuddly, sweet baby that you are today to the anonymous womb kicker that gave me constant indigestion and feet the size of small countries back then.

In the past month you have developed a real flair for the dramatic – a trait that you clearly inherited from your father. He will no doubt deny this allegation and claim that his “Johnny Drama” nickname is completely without merit, but that’s really just another example of him being dramatic, isn’t it?

In your case, the drama manifests during the most innocent of activities, like the introduction of finger foods. After researching the variety of finger foods available in stores, I settled on a box of melt-in-your-mouth cereal bites. I spread them out on your highchair tray and watched with delight as you picked up the pieces of cereal, inspected them, set them down, inspected them, and rearranged them once more. My excitement quickly turned to horror, however, when you at last stuck a piece in your mouth and began to choke. I was seconds away from beginning to administer the Heimlich maneuver when I noticed that the cereal bite in question was sitting on your tongue in the front of your mouth, nowhere near your throat. You did this several more times without ever actually ingesting a bite of cereal, and each time I’m sure I lost a year of my life. Despite the stress, I continued offering cereal bites at mealtime until you finally, accidentally, swallowed a piece. And promptly threw up. When the guests at your first birthday party ask why we are serving pureed birthday cake, I will refer them to this incident.

Your bouts of drama also extend to playtime, when you remove each of your toys from your toy basket, inspect them, play with them for a second, and then toss them one by one over your right shoulder like they are the most worthless pieces of junk that you ever encountered. You do this while playing on the floor, in your highchair, and in the bath. I can always tell how long you’ve been at play by the number of discarded toys piled up behind you.

Finally, I can’t talk about drama without addressing your super flamboyant poops. You’ve had some bouts of constipation in the last month and taken to straining, grunting, and generally raising a ruckus whenever a bowel movement requires some effort on your part. On one particular evening, we were sitting in a restaurant enjoying a pleasant meal when you began grunting loudly and making every effort to inform the dining room that, “Hey, I’m taking a poo over here! You, in the booth, eating the pizza – I’M POOPING RIGHT NOW!” Then, once you had everyone’s attention, your face turned bright red and you actually leaned forward to rest your head on the table while you finished the job. Man, am I going to enjoy telling that story when you’re a teenager.

Like your sense of drama, your physical development has also been impressive this month. You are now able to pull yourself to a sitting position with no problem and can barely be bothered to lie down for things like diaper and clothing changes. You are making the first motions toward crawling and also standing quite well with support. I expect you to take off any day now, although I don’t know if you’ll choose to crawl or walk first.

And though we’re busy safety proofing the house in anticipation of a newly mobile baby, we haven’t found any products to cover the sharp edges of the two teeth that have begun sprouting in your mouth. I feel a little conflicted about your decision to grow teeth. On one hand, I hope this means you will one day eat solid foods without retching and choking. On the other hand, I’m sad to know that my days of enjoying your beautiful, gummy smile are numbered. You are quickly changing from a baby to a little girl, and I couldn’t possibly be more proud of you. Thanks for another amazing month.

Love,
Mom