Letter to the Lights
Dear Christmas Lights,
You are one of my favorite parts of the holidays. I love the way you brighten up even the darkest, coldest December nights. Just seeing you hanging from a tree or house puts me in the Christmas spirit.
So why are you trying to piss me off? Why will the majority of you not work at all this season, and the remainder of you are half-assing it with this partial strand on, partial strand off business? Is there a mini-lights strike I’m not aware of? Have you thrown your lot in with the Writers Guild of America to protest the unpaid distribution of your fine work via the Internet?
Let’s get serious – you have a pretty posh gig here. I only ask you to work for one month out of the year, and even then only between the hours of 5pm and midnight. Granted, that’s still slightly more responsibility than the other two dependents, but the small human one has recently shown that she can secure coupons for free food from Chick-fil-a just by smiling and being cute. And the hairy one can always be called upon to chase away solicitors. Please take a little time to consider what you can contribute to this household.
I’m giving you one more chance to stick around. I’ve procured a testing tool – a probe, if you will – which I will insert between your wires to determine if you are salvageable or destined for the trashcan. I doubt it will be comfortable, but you leave me no choice.
Put out or get out.
-Jennifer
(Video of testing progress below)
You are one of my favorite parts of the holidays. I love the way you brighten up even the darkest, coldest December nights. Just seeing you hanging from a tree or house puts me in the Christmas spirit.
So why are you trying to piss me off? Why will the majority of you not work at all this season, and the remainder of you are half-assing it with this partial strand on, partial strand off business? Is there a mini-lights strike I’m not aware of? Have you thrown your lot in with the Writers Guild of America to protest the unpaid distribution of your fine work via the Internet?
Let’s get serious – you have a pretty posh gig here. I only ask you to work for one month out of the year, and even then only between the hours of 5pm and midnight. Granted, that’s still slightly more responsibility than the other two dependents, but the small human one has recently shown that she can secure coupons for free food from Chick-fil-a just by smiling and being cute. And the hairy one can always be called upon to chase away solicitors. Please take a little time to consider what you can contribute to this household.
I’m giving you one more chance to stick around. I’ve procured a testing tool – a probe, if you will – which I will insert between your wires to determine if you are salvageable or destined for the trashcan. I doubt it will be comfortable, but you leave me no choice.
Put out or get out.
-Jennifer
(Video of testing progress below)
posted by Guest at Monday, November 26, 2007
2 Comments:
Yes my friend, you have me laughing again at your lovely blog...by the way, I especially enjoyed John letting everyone know if the light was bad or good. :) Lana is getting to be so big - are you going to Suzanne's party this year? I would love to see Ms. Lana there if you guys are going!!
Lana's laugh is so cute!
I hope the Christmas lights get their act together if they know what's good for them :)
Does Lana love the lights? Layla loves to look at them. She makes sure we know they are there..."lights (with a point), Lights!" :)
Happy Holidays.....and Happy Birthday!
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