13 Month Update

Dear Lana,

Yesterday you turned thirteen months old. It’s fitting that I’m late writing this update, since I’ve spent the entire month struggling to keep up. Struggling to keep up with work, chores, my blog, and you, my crawling/cruising/climbing toddler. You spent the entire month racing around the house emptying out cabinets and drawers, leaving Lana bombs in every single room of the house. You have baskets of toys everywhere, but somehow you got the most enjoyment from opening my bathroom cabinet and emptying a box of tampons out on the floor, or playing with a box of disposable pooper scoopers we keep stashed away in the kitchen. Take that, Fisher-Price.

You also learned to put your height (95th percentile!) to good use snatching things off countertops and tables. As a result, we continue to migrate our items of value to higher and higher perches throughout the house. I’m afraid by next month we will have to hang them from the ceiling, since you have also proven to be a skilled climber. One day I left you playing in the living room to start making dinner. After about 30 seconds I noticed an unnatural silence and returned to find you scampering up the steps to our bonus room. You had never before even attempted to climb a step, and there you were sitting on the landing smiling down at me, your silly, negligent mother.

I never imagined you would climb stairs before walking, but it turns out that walking was not far behind. You took your first unassisted steps today, just hours before I flew out to North Carolina for a business meeting. In the back of my mind I had begun to fear that I might miss that milestone during the 24 hours that I was away. Thank you so much for having mercy on me and taking those steps before I left. It was every bit as exciting as I had hoped, watching you find your balance and make five steps before realizing that you weren’t holding on to anything and abruptly sitting down. Your Granny T and Granddaddy also happened to be visiting when you took those first steps, so you received a thunderous round of applause for your efforts. You were so pleased that you sat up on your knees and clapped right along with us. It was quite the scene – all of us clapping together like we’d just won the lottery. I keep buying tickets, so hopefully that will be next.

On the rare occasions when you slowed down this month, you did the most endearing things like offering up unsolicited hugs and “kisses”. I use the word “kiss” loosely, since your technique is less like a traditional smooch and more like an open-mouthed head butt. Rico is the primary beneficiary of your new cuddliness, receiving an average of 15 pats, four hugs, and at least one kiss a day. I, on the other hand, am lucky to get a few hugs a week. I guess it makes since, seeing as how the dog wakes up early every morning and changes your diaper, prepares your meals, and catches you as you attempt to hurl yourself off the couch throughout the day. Hmm… come to think of it, that’s me. But the dog certainly deserves hugs for all the hard work he does scratching and licking himself each day.

And even though your mommy hugs seem few and far between, they are well worth the wait. I was getting you ready for bed one evening when you crawled behind me and pulled up against my back. I could see you sidestepping around me with a sneaky grin like you were preparing to surprise me. When you saw that you had been detected, you began to gently run your fingers through my hair and then you leaned in to give me the sweetest hug I could ever imagine. That single hug made up for an entire month spent repacking boxes of tampons and poop bags. Please keep those hugs coming, my amazing Lana Kat.

Love,
Mom

Pushing Dad’s Buttons, Part Two

I posted video earlier this month of Lana turning our television off and on. John and I had a good chuckle watching it – “Isn’t she cute messing with the TV during the game?” we thought. Yes, it’s all shits and giggles until the television burns out.

During the second half of the Georgia game Saturday night, Lana decided it was time for more fun with the television power button. Only after the third off/on cycle, the screen on our old 32-inch Toshiba didn’t look quite right. It wasn’t so much that the picture was gone, it was just constrained to a single pixel running across the middle of the screen. And that, apparently, is not good enough for John when Georgia is playing Alabama (or for me when a new episode of Beauty and the Geek is waiting on TiVo).

We briefly weighed our options – repair our 300lb, state-of-the-art in 2000 set or get a fancy new LCD model. Turns out it wasn’t a difficult decision:


If it weren’t for the timing of the blow out, I would seriously suspect John of bribing Lana to destroy our old set. And in relaying the story to friends, I received several offers to let Lana “play” with items ranging from other dated televisions to old dining room tables. I’m booking appointments now, in case you are interested. If you call and I don’t answer, it’s because Lana somehow switched our caller ID to Spanish and I have no idea what it says.

Google Me MomGenes

Soon after setting up my blog I integrated Google Analytics code for reporting. I was hoping to find out if anyone was bothering to visit my site or if I was just writing to myself and my daughter, who enjoys the Internet only when it is accompanied by a keyboard to bang on. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the number of visitors to the site and the diverse geographic locations. Check out the map overlay below – I’m taking Algeria by storm, baby!



It’s fun to see where my site visitors come from, but even more enjoyable is checking out the search terms that lead them to my blog. Here is my list of favorites:

1. “Baby ate a piece of mylar” – Uh, oh. It may be time to get off the Internet and into a doctor’s office.


2. “6 week baby screams out of the blue” – I feel your pain.


3. “Baby shrieks very loud” – Ahh, that takes me back to the early days.


4. “Baby throws head violently” – A pattern is emerging.


5. “Crackling noises + pregnancy” – Not sure what to make of this one.


6. “Grapes babies poop” – Or this one.


7. “Loudest farts on tape” – I don’t recall optimizing for those terms…
   


8. “Pageant mom horror stories” – This visitor must have been disappointed.


9. “Taping a swaddle shut” – Protective services is finally catching up to me!
   

Pushing Dad's Buttons

College football season began last week. I know because John counted down the days for almost a month and spent the entire day on Saturday with his head swiveling between the television and the laptop where he was checking his fantasy football stats on U-Sports. By late afternoon, Lana decided to stage an intervention. Watch the compelling footage below.



It is a testament to how much John loves his daughter that he did not immediately begin screaming and thrashing around on the couch when the television was turned off. If I had pulled that stunt I’d probably be receiving divorce papers right about now.