Remembering Kacky

Kathleen Upchurch, my great aunt, passed away on Sunday, December 11, 2010, at the age of 91. Below is the eulogy I was prepared to deliver at her funeral service but did not get a chance to, because the minister either forgot to call my name of just didn’t like the look of me.

My name is Jennifer Mayes. I’m the daughter of Teresa Mashburn Hanson, and the great niece of Kathleen Upchurch. Unlike most of my extended family, I did not grow up here in Carrollton. So the visits I made here were always very special. And no visit ever felt complete unless I had time to visit with my Great Aunt Kacky.

As a child, I spent time each summer with Kat and Hoss at their house out in the country. The time I spent with them felt magical, like I was stepping back in time. Kat and Hoss went about their lives in a way that seemed so strange and wonderful to me. They would step out into their backyard garden to pluck out fresh vegetables and produce for meals, and they would go to sleep at night without worrying about locking (or even closing) every door in the house. Their home was full of interesting and strange things, like the homemade checkerboard set we played on each night after dinner and the frozen turtle out in the carport refrigerator. Come to think of it, I’m still not really sure what was going on with that turtle… but that’s probably for the best.

Life moved at a different pace out there, but it was never dull. Kacky always had fun activities planned for me and she had a knack for taking simple things and making them amazing. She would take Styrofoam cups and turn them upside down in the oven until they melted into the shape of little hats. Then she’d pull out ribbon, flowers, and paint and we’d spend hours decorating those little hats until they looked fit for a queen. She’d offer up plain white pillow cases and help me paint them with stencils and monograms. She’d take me treasure hunting at the local salvage store. After every visit, I could hardly wait to bring my masterpieces and purchases home to show my parents.

Kacky would also wake up with me at 4am on the mornings that Hoss would take me fishing. She’d stand in the kitchen stirring a pot of warm milk to make homemade hot chocolate. I’ll never forget the first time I saw her do that, how utterly confused I was. I tried to delicately explain to her that hot chocolate actually comes in little packets full of powder, but Kacky assured me that her way would work to. And darned if that wasn’t the best hot chocolate I ever had.

At least once a day during my visits, Kacky would hand over the keys to her old Ford sedan and allow me to drive in endless loops around the circular driveway to the dirt road and back. I probably put a lot of miles on that car driving in circles, but Kacky was endlessly patient. She’d just stick her head out the door every now and then and call out, “You’re doing great, Jenni!” and allow me to decide when it was time to pull the car back into its parking spot.

As I grew older, I found less opportunities to spend that kind of time with Kacky. I finally turned 16 and got my license, headed off to college, started a career, and got married. Eventually I found myself pregnant with a baby girl and discussing with my husband the women in our lives we might honor with our name selection. For me, three amazing women immediately came to mind. My mom, Teresa; my grandmother, Dorothy; and my great aunt, Kathleen. We eventually settled on the name Lana Kathleen, though we told no one until the day of her birth. My mom was the first to hear the baby’s name and she couldn’t wait to share the news with Kacky. She later told me that, upon hearing the news, Kacky said something like, “Well that’s awfully nice. But I never really thought Kathleen was a pretty name.”

Now I guess I could have been offended by someone calling my new baby’s name “not pretty”, even if it was her namesake. But I knew Kacky well and I knew that comment was just so very Kacky. You see, Kacky never had a high opinion of herself, never thought she was anything out of the ordinary, despite the amazing things she accomplished in her life and the obstacles she overcame. But this is one thing she was wrong about. Kathleen Upchurch was a truly extraordinary lady and I, for one, am a better person for having known her.