The Final Countdown

At my last appointment, my doctor asked if I am the type of person who would like to schedule a time to come in and initiate labor or wait for things to get going naturally. I told her I would have grown this baby in a pod like the ones used in The Matrix, if only the medical community would hurry up and figure out a way to do it without those pesky battery plugs in the head and the unsavory diet of the liquefied dead.

If she stays true to her word, I will be scheduled to enter the hospital next Monday and jump-start the labor process. I’ll also begin the execution of my birthing plan, which mostly consists of telling anyone and everyone I see with a nametag that I want an epidural and I want it NOW.